Baby Boomers Religion

 

   Oh did I
have unforgiveness in my heart for so many years and although I put on this big
front to many people, I was miserable inside, hurt and mad as hell at the people
who I felt did me wrong, whether they actually did anything wrong to me or not.
It may be a divorce situation or and abuse situation or any number of other
things you may have unforgiveness about I really don’t know, but you need to be
released from your unforgiveness. Let me tell you a story of what happened to
me. When I was very young around ten years old,  I was molested several times by
two different men who were teenagers at the time. Even today this is
very difficult for me to talk about, but here goes (gulp). When I was in grade
school about the age of ten or so, we lived in Sacramento, California where my
dad was a preacher of a fairly large church and I had a lot of friends that I
met in the church who I would play with and just have fun with, both girls and
boys. There was one family who my parents were very good friends with because
they had lots in common, mainly because all of them were born in Arkansas and
now were living in California. They had a daughter who was my best buddy and ( I
had a little boy’s crush on her) who would always ask me to come over and spend
the night so we could play together on Saturday and then I could get a ride back
home on Sunday when their parents came to church. Now we were innocent children
and this was simply child’s play, nothing weird going on at all. So one day I
asked my parents if I could go over to her house on Saturday so we could play
all day and spend the night and they told my parents that they would bring me
back home on Sunday when they came to church. My parents said yes and so off I
went and we had so much fun playing games like hide and go seek , red
light-green light and playing on the swing set etc. When night came, I was to
sleep in the same room as her big brother( who was 19 at that time), actually in
the same double bed so I did not think anything about it. In the middle of the
night, I woke up stunned and in shock to find her brother with his mouth on me
molesting me. I was so freaked out I just froze and didn’t know what to do, so
he continued to molest me for over an hour or so until I finally got enough
courage to tell him to stop as I was so scared. He finally did and said don’t
you ever tell anyone or I will beat your ass. I didn’t sleep the rest of the
night and my emotions were in disarray and turmoil. I was never so glad to get
back home in all my life. I never told anyone because I was so ashamed and
afraid of him. Shockingly, this happened a couple of more times as he threatened
me if I didn’t come over again and spend the night. Now to a ten year old little
boy, this was fear like no other and thinking my parents would find out and beat
me, I agreed. I finally got up enough guts to tell him no, never again and
though he threatened me several times after that, I never went back to their
house ever again even during the daytime. This made me wonder and curious about
sex and even though I felt so dirty, there was some kind of pull on me to be
nasty, not in a homosexual way, but in a sexual way. It wasn’t long after that
time when the neighbor girl brought over a nudist magazine from her grandparents
house that she had found. We looked at it many, many times until my sister
caught us and told my dad, who blew a gasket and took it back to neighbors and
chewed them out royally. Problem was, the damage was already done and this
little girl and I got naked and played sex like we saw in the magazine ( we had
no idea what we were doing at 10 years old ) but we did know we were being nasty
and we liked it. This my friends, is exactly how the seducing spirits latch
onto our lives as children and harass us throughout the rest of our lives,
placing a curse on us. Needless to say, after that experience I was always drawn
to nudity in magazines and later in movies and the Internet until I broke the
curse. (see my blog on generational curses )
Another time I went to spend
the night at a friend’s house who I played baseball with and his brother molested
me in the middle of the night by putting his hands on me and trying to get
me when I was sleeping. I was in junior high school living in Oklahoma then and
was a teenager. Same evil spirit, different location and time. Again, I was
freaked out, but this time I yelled and woke up his brother and told him what he
had done, and told his mother. Why was this happening to me ? Where was God in
all of this ? Familiar evil spirits follow your family down through the
generations trying to get you soul by causing you pain and suffering and torment
and getting you to commit sin and eventually lead you to hell itself.
I didn’t really know or understand abuse until I grew up. I didn’t realize that my
dad beating me with a belt anytime I did the smallest little thing he didn’t
like was abuse. He would make me bend over and grab my ankles and beat me until
my butt had whelps and was blood-red from the whipping. He did this until I was
a junior in high school. He would always say bend over and take your medicine.
Medicine? One day I turned around,  grabbed the belt, looked him square in the
eyes and said; ” You will never beat me again as long as you live. ” That
frightened him, so he stopped and I never let him hit me again. But that day, a
spirit of rage and anger came on me and I began to lose my temper when things
didn’t go right, and for the rest of my life I carried this anger and rage
inside me until I got delivered. That rage carried over into the Marine Corps
and I became the best Marine in the company winning the Leatherneck Magazine
award for the best recruit in boot camp. Sometimes I would go into fits of rage
at other recruits when they messed up and I would slug them in the chest as hard
as I could to hurt them. Later in Viet Nam I would use my anger to survive, but
one day I was severely wounded in the back of my head and was sent home. The
anger continued for years and years and contributed to horrible relationships
and wounded marriages that ended  in divorce. Even when I got saved and received
the baptism of the Holy Spirit at age 26, I continued to have monumental issues
and problems brought on by the abuse I experienced in my life. How could I
possibly forgive all the people who did such horrible things to me ?

Throughout the rest of my life I would experience many wrongs just as everyone
does, but I would not forget or forgive. The ole adage ” well, I forgive you,
but I won’t forget. ” held true for me and maybe many of you. The truth is not
forgetting is harboring bitterness which then leads to hate which then leads to
unforgiveness. Though fairly successful as a manager in retail, the issues I
had would plague me at various times when things didn’t go well at work. Of
course I would bring it home, and the anger and rage was there. I would try to
escape by looking at pornography, that old sin of iniquity that held on to me,
but then I would feel dirty, ask God to forgive me and say I would never do it
again , but of course I would, just like you do if you haven’t been set free by
Jesus. I just couldn’t help myself and had no idea why I couldn’t get a healing
of these sin problems in my life when I knew better. Many times I would get sick
or have stomach ulcers or migraines, or just be totally worn out and any
sickness going around, I would catch. Sometimes I would try drinking to get
drunk, but that didn’t work, because the pain would always come back the next
day. I would think to myself, “am I going to go to my grave with all
these problems and sins and have to stand before God for all the things I have
done and thought ?” Why me, why me I would think. Is there no way out? Of
course, the demons of hell come to you and accuse you and tell you that your
worthless and no good and your too big of a sinner to ever be forgiven. That is
a lie from the pit of hell. Romans 7:24 says “Wretched man that I am! Who will
set me free from the body of this death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ
our Lord.”
So, you want to know the answer ? Forgive!
Look at Mark 11:25,26 ” Whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have
anything against anyone, so that your Father who is in heaven
will also forgive you your transgressions, But if you do not forgive,
neither will your Father who is in heaven forgive your
transgressions
.” And again in Ephesians 4;32 ” Be kind to one another,
tender-hearted, forgiving each other just as God in Christ also has
forgiven you
. ”  Maybe you say or feel that you just can’t forgive that
person or persons, you just can’t do it. Well, you’re not only hurting yourself,
but that person cannot not get free either because of you. Remember whatever you
bind on earth is bound in heaven and whatever you loose on earth is loosed in
heaven? (Matt: 18:18) You are binding yourself and you are binding them from
being forgiven, is that really what you want to do ? No way! Release yourself
and them and be healed and set free! I have forgiven all of those who hurt me
and I am free from all that pain.
OK, here is how you are able to
forgive
: Be angry and mad at the devil and demons who caused the  problem.
Its them that you should hate, not the person. Know that its
not the individual that caused the problem, it’s the Sin in the
individual that causes them to act that way
. And who causes the sin ?
You know who causes the sin, the devil and his demons. From now
on, never look at the person with hate and unforgiveness. Know
it’s not them but the sin in them that makes them do those things. Am I saying
disregard what they did ? No way, but you can disregard them as the
source
and then your free to forgive ! Now is the time to let it all go and
forgive and move on with your life. Eph.6:12 sums it up, ” For our struggle is
not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against
the world forces of this spiritual darkness, against the spiritual forces of
wickedness in the heavenly places.” It’s not against people, not against people,
not against people. Now you can forgive them and while doing so setting them and
yourself free ! Even if you don’t feel anything, by faith you confess it over
and over if you need to until it becomes reality in your life. It may take some
time to manifest, but it will manifest freedom in your life. However; it can be
done in a minute if you mean it from your heart.
Pray this prayer right
now out loud : ” Father, right now, right this minute, I forgive_____, for all
the things that He/She did to me. I  loose them, I release them and set them
free and I will not let this hate, bitterness and unforgiveness return to me
about this person ever again by the power of  Jesus Christ. I also forgive
myself and I forgive you God for I was so angry towards you and blamed you, now
Father forgive me of my trespasses as you said you would in your word, and come
into my heart Jesus stronger than ever before, clean me up from the inside out
so I may walk in love and joy and peace the rest of my life, in Jesus Christ
name Amen.
By praying this prayer in faith, believing God’s word for
victory over unforgiveness, you will notice things will start changing in your
life for good. You will also have a new peace that you have never experienced,
and joy will return to you and happiness will fill you heart once again.

  

Posted by Kendogsinger
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